How to Say No Politely | Good Manners
How to Say No Politely To a Man Who Asks You Out
Dating can be a complicated social situation to navigate. You want to explore what you want out of a relationship or a date, while still respecting the feelings of those around you. Sometimes men who you are not interested in may ask you out, and you should reject them honestly and kindly.
Saying No to A Man Who Asks You Out in Person
Listen to what he has to say.Especially if the man who is asking you out is an acquaintance or a friend, you don’t want to interrupt him while he’s speaking to you.
- Even if you know that he’s going to ask you out, and you want to say no, you don’t want to cut him off. Cutting him off while he’s talking makes you appear overly eager to reject him and rude.
- Keep a respectful distance from him, and smile slightly. Don’t move closer to him, or give him any body language indication that you might be interested.
Just say no.The worst thing you can do when you’re politely rejecting someone is to string him along. It might hard for him to hear “no” at first, but it will be much nicer in the long run.
- Don’t make excuses. You don’t need to lie. Unless it’s true, don’t tell him that you’re in a relationship. Don’t give him a line like, “I just got out of a relationship, and I’m not ready to date.” Even if this is true, it might give him false hope that you’ll change your mind, and that’s not fair to him.
- Be straight forward, and polite. Say something like, “You seem like a nice guy, but I just don’t like you that way. I appreciate that you thought to ask me.” This makes your stance clear but still seems slightly softer than a blatant no.
- Keep it short. You don’t need to give a long-winded rejection just to seem nice.
Tell him if you want to be friends.If you genuinely would like to be friends with a guy who asks you out, let him know. This will soften your rejection, and let him know that you value him company, even if you’re not interested in him romantically.
- If you don’t actually want to be friends with him, don’t say you want to be friends. Simply tell him you’re not interested and that you hope he has a nice day, and walk away.
- If you do tell him you want to be friends, make sure he knows that your feelings about the situation aren’t going to change. You don’t want to give him any false hope. Say something like, “Sorry, I’m not interested in you in a romantic way, but I know someone else will be. I like talking with you, and I’d love to be friends.”
Keep your tone polite.When you have to say no to someone in person, it does matter how you say it. This will affect how the man takes your answer.
- Don’t come across as defensive. You have every right to choose who you date. Being defensive can make you sound more aggressive or disgusted than you mean to sound.
- Speak with the tone of an apology. You want to sound open and apologetic, even while still being firm in your answer. Try to make eye contact with him at least once when you are speaking.
Saying No to Someone Through Text
Respond in a timely manner.If someone that you’re not interested in asks you out over a text message, email, or instant messaging, it can be tempting to put off responding to him.
- Also, don’t give him the silent treatment, and hope he gets the point. The polite way to handle the situation is to give him a response.
- Even though you want to respond in a timely manner, within the day that he sends the message, take a little time to think about what you want to
Use “I” statements.When you reject someone, using “I” statements can help keep the rejection about you, so the guy you’re speaking with doesn’t feel insulted or put down.
- For example, instead of telling him, “Sorry, you aren’t really my type,” say something more like, “I’m really sorry. I just don’t see you in a romantic way.”
- Or say: “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t see this developing into anything further for me.”
Use proper text etiquette.If you are too informal when you’re telling the man who asked you out that you’re not interested, you can come across as rude. Even if you normally text or type in a manner that is very casual, try to be a bit more formal in your rejection.
- Use complete sentences and words. Instead of typing, “No thx. I’m just not really interested in u like that,” Say, “Thanks for asking, but I just don’t see you that way.”
- Add something polite after your rejection. This can help you end the conversation and also soften the blow. Write something like, “Sorry. Wish you the best, John!”
Stay honest.Often, it is easier to lie over text than it is to lie in person. It can be tempting to come up with excuses to let yourself off the hook, but in the long run, it is always better to lead with the truth.
- Don’t leave your answer open-ended. Make sure that he won’t think you might be interested in the future. Make your answer final. Even if you do want to be friends, make sure you say, “I don’t see myself having romantic feelings for you, but I’d love to be friends!” instead of “Do you mind if we just stay friends right now?”
- Even though you want to be final and firm when you send your message, also try to find something positive to say. For example, say, “I appreciate that you asked me because I’ve enjoyed talking to you, but I just don’t have romantic feelings for you.”
Saying No to Someone After a First Date
Speak in a friendly way and be straightforward.It is often more difficult to reject someone after a date than it is to reject someone you’ve never gone out with. Sometimes, however, it takes a date to figure out that you really aren’t interested.
- Say something like, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t really feel a connection on our date. Hope you find someone great!”
- If you aren’t attracted to him but want to be friends say, “I had a lot of fun with you, but I didn’t really feel a romantic connection. Would you like to be friends with me?” Asking him if he wants to be friends is straightforward and lets him know that even though you don’t want to date, you still appreciate interactions with him.
Tell him sooner rather than later.Once you know that you’re not into a guy, you should let him know. The longer you wait to tell him you don’t want to go out again, the more difficult it will become.
- If you’ve only been out on a date or two, it’s fine to tell him you’re not interested in a text message.That way, you can craft a tactful message, and he doesn’t have to feel embarrassed in person.
- However, if you know you’re not interested at the end of your first date, go ahead and let him know. Before you part ways, say something like, “Hey. Just so you know I don’t think there’s really anything here for me, but I’m glad we got the chance to go out.” This will save you from agonizing over when to tell him.
Keep your distance.Once you’ve told him that you’re no longer interested, don’t keep talking to him. Even if you both want to be friends, it can be good to have a little distance at first.
- If he continually texts you after you’ve rejected him, it’s okay to ignore the messages.
- If you do talk to him, be careful to avoid flirting or confusing him.
QuestionHe has a girlfriend already and I really like him, but he is asking me out. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou should tell him you're not comfortable with being asked out by someone who already has a girlfriend. You should also consider whether you'd really want to be with someone like this. It's very disrespectful to ask out other people while in a relationship with someone, and if he did it to someone else, he could do it to you. If he doesn't want to be with his girlfriend anymore, he should break up with her before he starts pursuing other people.Thanks!
QuestionMy boss is asking me out, but I am not interested and I already have a boyfriend. How can I say no respectfully?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerJust be polite and decline his offer. Tell him you're flattered, but you're in a relationship. Most guys will be understanding of this. If he continues to push the issue, tell HIS boss or someone in the human resources department that you're being harassed.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I reject someone that I really like because I'm not allowed to date?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerBe honest with him. Let him know that you like him but you aren't allowed to date. Ask him if he'd like to be your friend for now.Thanks!
QuestionI want to say no to the boy who is coming to see me because I already have a boyfriend. I want to be honest and I want to him to keep the secret. How do I know if the boy will keep our secret?AllegedWand6335Community AnswerJust ask him. If the boy likes you then he should understand your need for privacy and why you didn't say no before.Thanks!
QuestionI was asked out by a boy I didn't like, so I said, "I'm really sorry, but I don't like you that way." I guess I did something wrong, because he started crying and ran away. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerSome boys are really sensitive to being rejected (as are some girls). Time is going to be the only thing to fix this. You didn't say anything wrong, and if you try to rephrase what you said, he's likely to get the wrong idea and think you like him after all. It's best to just give him some time and space. He'll get over it.Thanks!
QuestionHe is a good friend and I'm very open with him, but I'm afraid he's going to ask me out. I don't see him in the romantic way, but think I could in the future. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerBe honest with him! Tell him you're not totally sure about your feelings, but that you'd like to get to know him better. Ask if you guys can hang out and see how it goes, or just take things slow. If he really likes you, he'll probably be cool about it. If you don't want to do this, just tell him that for now, you'd like to remain friends only.Thanks!
QuestionHe was sincere but I don't want to date him. He is very nice, but we aren't friends.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTell him, "I think you are really nice, but I'm not really interested in a relationship right now. Sorry." If you'd like to be friends, tell him that too.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I reject someone who is persistent and intimidating?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerPolitely tell them you're not interested. If the person is being aggressive and harassing you, call the police. File a report and fill out a restraining order if necessary. If it's someone you work with, contact someone in the Human Resources department.Thanks!
QuestionA guy who has been my friend for 10 years just confessed that he likes me. I don't see him in a romantic way at all. He is like a brother to me. I don't like him romantically. What do I do?Top AnswererBe kind, it it happens. Let him know exactly how you feel; you're friends, after all. But it is tricky. He's kind of lost track of things. When we like people, we try to figure out if they like us back by dropping hints. If we register no reaction, we should conclude they don't like us back and come to our senses and stop sending hints, much less confess any love. But no reaction is often taken for "there might still be hope". Love clouds our judgment, and hope does die last. So even if he failed to accurately keep track of your feelings, you're still good friends, so consider it a little lapse and let him down easy.Thanks!
QuestionI said okay to a guy who called me out for a movie, but I do not want to go with him now. What do I do?Top AnswererKindly let him know you changed your mind. Consent is only valid until it is revoked, and it can be revoked at any time. Life is too short to go to movies with people you don't want to go with. You can even be even more gentle and come up with an excuse. "Oh hey, bad news, I said OK earlier, but I just realized I can't make it after all. So sorry. But thanks for asking me."Thanks!
Video: How to Say No Politely
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