Serena van der woodsen gold dress 2018

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Ep.10 - New York, I Love You XOXO

Pressler and Rozvar, together one last time to discuss the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.09 - The Revengers

On the Upper East Side of Gossip Girl, there are no random acts of kindness.

Ep.08 - It's Really Complicated

Thanksgiving on Gossip Girl is always a disaster, but they keep trying, because what else can they do? 

Ep.07 - Save the Last Chance

Can one ever really know another person? On Gossip Girl and in life, we have learned that one cannot.

Ep.06 - Where the Vile Things Are

Blair tries to behave "more like Grace Kelly, less like Grace Jones."

Ep.05 - Monstrous Ball

Let's be honest: No one is an adult on Gossip Girl.

Ep.04 - Portrait of a Lady Alexander

The mothers of Gossip Girl are flighty and self-absorbed, but it's the fathers who have left the deepest scars on our Upper East Siders.

Ep.03 - Dirty Rotten Scandals

Last night's Gossip Girl opened with a scene we've seen many times before.

Ep.02 - High Infidelity

As you probably know from last night's episode of the Show of Our Time, our recapper appeared as herself.

Ep.01 - Gone Maybe Gone

And so begins the Last Season of the Show of Our Time.

Ep.24 - The Return of the Ring

In some ways, it’s like we’ve gone back in time on the season-five finale.

Ep.23 - The Fugitives

In the second-to-last episode of the second-to-last (we think?) season of the Greatest Show of Our Time, everyone had a plan.

Ep.22 - Raiders of the Lost Art

Like Eyes Wide Shut, but with cuddling.

Ep.21 - Despicable B

New York's Approval Matrix makes a star cameo in this week's episode.

Ep.20 - Salon of the Dead

Mason jars. Pork buns. Pickling festivals. GG goes Brooklyn.

Ep.19 - It Girl, Interrupted

It would be beneficial to all of the characters on Gossip Girl if they began looking at their world from a Humphrological perspective.

Ep.18 - Con-Heir

Last night, we returned from our monthlong hiatus to find a world that has been turned upside down: The Van Der Woodsens have been exiled to Brooklyn.

Ep.16 - Cross Rhodes

"We have feelings, but we can suppress them, stomp them out like bugs."

Ep.15 - Crazy, Cupid, Love

“Have a good day!” “I doubt that.”

Ep.14 - The Backup Dan

“Your family cannot control mine."

Ep.13 - G.G.

“If I ever cried, I’d be moved to tears."

Ep.12 - Father and the Bride

"It's like a Henry the Fourth kind of structure, a Falstaff thing, but he’s addicted to the drunken revelry of the West, so it’s set on a cattle ranch ... ”

Ep.11 - The End of the Affair?

The deus ex machina is actually ... Deus. Oh Lord.

Ep.10 - Riding in Town Cars with Boys

"The last time I saw you concentrating that hard, you were looking at the instructions on how to assemble a hookah."

Ep.09 - Rhodes to Perdition

Chuck is doing yoga in a dress shirt and tie.

Ep.08 - All the Pretty Sources

“Casual? Jeans? Evite?"

Ep.07 - The Big Sleep No More

“Without the pressure of me on top of you all the time — so to speak.”

Ep.06 - I Am Number Nine

Ha, as if.

Ep.05 - The Fasting and the Furious

High drama on the High Holidays.

Ep.04 - Memoirs of an Invisible Dan

Nothing is worse than being omitted from Dan's book.

Ep.03 - The Jewel of Denial

Welcome back to the land where everything sparkles and everyone has nervous breakdowns.

Ep.02 - Beauty and the Feast

A plague befalls the Upper East Side.

Ep.01 - Yes, Then Zero

On last night's season-five (FIVE) premiere, some things grew and changed and some things stayed the same.

Ep.22 - The Wrong Way

On 'Gossip Girl,' everything grows, except the length of Serena's skirts.

Ep.21 - Shattered Bass

That could describe the plot, or the show itself.

Ep.20 - The Princess and the Frog

Will the Upper East Side get a royal wedding?

Ep.19 - Petty in Pink

Botox, handies: Welcome back to the Upper East Side.

Ep.18 - The Kids Stay in the Picture

Alas, like the centuries-old folklore from which the popular Disney stories originally derived, fairy tales on the Upper East Side are more complicated.

Ep.17 - Empire of the Son

Three fathers disappointed in last night's episode — one did so from beyond the grave.

Ep.16 - While You Weren't Sleeping

Last night's episode was like an ether flashback and a neurological disorder all at once.

Ep.15 - It-Girl Happened One Night

Family values are a little bit different on the Upper East Side.

Ep.14 - Panic Roomate

Except when it comes to her own mistakes, of course.

Ep.13 - Damian Darko

In its fourth season, 'Gossip Girl' has developed a Shakespearean rhythm.

Ep.12 - The Kids Are Not All Right

Our weekly Reality Index returns from winter break.

Ep.11 - The Townie

Several truths were revealed on this week's episode of 'Gossip Girl.'

Ep.10 - Gaslit

As is their tradition, the show drives us crazy with things that are hopelessly unrealistic, and at the same time includes details that make it uniquely true to life.

Ep.09 - The Witches of Bushwick

But on the Upper East Side, just you've experienced something before, doesn't mean you can't fall for it again.

Ep.08 - Juliet Doesn't Live Here Any More

The gang takes down Juliet.

Ep.07 - War at the Roses

You know what they say, if a piano is mentioned in the first act, somebody's going to get off on it in the third.

Ep.06 - Easy J

Our weekly reality index.

Ep.05 - Goodbye, Columbia

Love and anger on this week's episode of 'Gossip Girl.'

Ep.04 - A Touch of Eva

Love hurts, even when you're Chuck Bass.

Ep.03 - The Undergraduates

Our weekly reality index for The Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.02 - Double Identity

This week's recap of The Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.01 - Belles Du Jour

The first reality index of the fourth season of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.22 - Last Tango, Then Paris

Our weekly recap of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.21 - Ex Husbands and Wives

Our weekly recap of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.20 - It's a Dad, Dad, Dad World

Our weekly recap of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.19 - Dr. Estrangeloved

Our weekly reality index for the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.18 - The Unblairable Lightness of Being

Our weekly reality index.

Ep.17 - Inglorious Bassterds

Our weekly reality index for the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.16 - The Empire Strikes Jack

Our weekly reality index for the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.15 - The Sixteen-Year-Old-Virgin

Our weekly reality index.

Ep.14 - The Lady Vanished

This week's reality index for the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.13 - The Hurt Locket

Apparently, it is.

Ep.12 - The Debarted

And Trip is both Jack and Teddy Kennedy.

Ep.11 - The Treasure of Serena Madre

Just like Grandma CeCe! Our weekly show recap.

Ep.10 - The Last Days of Disco Stick

This week, Jenny and Serena live on the edge.

Ep.09 - They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They?

Try not to take it too personally.

Ep.08 - The Grandfather: Part 2

Serena and Blair are at each other's throats in a way they haven't been since the first season.

Ep.07 - How to Succeed at Bassness

It's Halloween, but the masks our characters are wearing aren't just festive strips of silicone donned for a night of carousing.

Ep.06 - Enough About Eve

What was true to life about this episode, and what struck us as faker than a Photoshop of a politician holding a giant cherry-red bong?

Ep.05 - Rufus Getting Married

What rhymes with Sonic Youth and is also music to our ears? Truth, friends. And that was what we heard a lot of on last night's Gossip Girl.

Ep.04 - Dan de Fleurette

For the first time this season, we found ourselves actually listening to what Gossip Girl herself was saying, and were happy to see that she had a role to play.

Ep.03 - The Lost Boy

And guess what? Even at Sotheby's, it costs less than ,000. Read all about it in our episode recap.

Ep.02 - The Freshmen

Our weekly recap of the Greatest Show of Our Time: The College Years.

Ep.01 - Reversals of Fortune

The recap of the season premiere of the third season of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.25 - The Goodbye Gossip Girl

Our reality index of the season finale.

Ep.24 - Valley Girls

Our weekly recap of the Greatest Show of our Time.

Ep.23 - The Wrath of Con

This week's episode of the Greatest Show of Our Time imparted several important lessons.

Ep.22 - Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Finally, an episode worthy of our Monday nights!

Ep.21 - Seder Anything

Our weekly reality index: with a special guest star!

Ep.20 - Remains of the J

If a woman has thousands of dollars worth of hair extensions and doesn't make an effort to groom them, do they really exist?

Ep.19 - The Grandfather

It's time for our weekly episode recap!

Ep.18 - The Age of Dissonance

Unfortunately, it does not quite melt our hearts along with the snow. But who cares? Our episode recaps are back!

Ep.17 - Carnal Knowledge

Our weekly reality index returns, just in time for an extremely upsetting episode.

Ep.16 - You've Got Yale

Are you in it? If not, you can get into our weekly recap.

Ep.15 - Gone with the Will

This week's episode had us doing mental pirouettes.

Ep.14 - In the Realm of the Basses

Or, you know, before we fall. Or after we metaphorically fall. Whatever, our episode recaps have returned!

Ep.13 - O Brother, Where Bart Thou?

Our weekly reality index.

Ep.12 - It's a Wonderful Lie

Our weekly reality index of the most important show that you pretend you aren't watching.

Ep.11 - The Magnificent Archibalds

It's Thanksgiving already! And there's lots to be thankful for in our weekly 'Gossip Girl' recap.

Ep.09 - There Might be Blood

Oh jeez, where to begin? It's our weekly episode recap!

Ep.08 - Pret-a-Poor-J

Our weekly recap of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.07 - Chuck in Real Life

Our weekly reality index of the only show we've ever liked before it became cool.

Ep.06 - New Haven Can Wait

Fifteen POINTS, that is.

Ep.05 - The Serena Also Rises

‘Gossip Girl’ attacks the city at its very heart: Fashion Week. We tell you what was real and unreal.

Ep.04 - The Ex-Files

An epic recap of an epic episode of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.03 - The Dark Night

In which we overanalyze the blackout, the outfits, and the terrifying small children that participate in the latest episode of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.02 - Never Been Marcused

Our recap of the second episode of the second season of the Greatest Show Ever.

Ep.01 - Summer Kind of Wonderful

It's the return of our exhaustive, obsessive, and unattractively loving recaps of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.18 - Much 'I Do' About Nothing

We tally up the points that made the season finale of the Greatest Show of Our Time real, unreal, or maybe just annoying.

Ep.17 - Woman on the Verge

Let's face it, this episode rocked. Our recap is within.

Ep.16 - All About My Brother

And that's not all. You'll have to see it — or read our recap — to believe it.

Ep.15 - Desperately Seeking Serena

In which Michelle Trachtenberg is the Marcia Cross of the Greatest Show of Our Time, returning from a mysterious absence to ruin everything and everyone.

Ep.14 - The Blair Bitch Project

In which we calculate the reality index of the Greatest Show of Our Time.

Ep.13 - A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate

We've realized our relationship with Gossip Girl has followed a path not unlike Dan and Serena's.

Ep.12 - School Lies

It was kind of a refreshing change to get vodka in plastic cups and an impromptu party at the school pool.

Ep.11 - Roman Holiday

Our mind-shatteringly detailed guide to what in this week's episode of Gossip Girl could pass for real-life New York experience, what seemed kinda fake, and what really put the "Jesus Christ" back in our Christmas.

Ep.10 - Hi, Society

Drunk with power (and Tanqueray), Grandma CeCe stole the shit out of this episode.

Ep.09 - Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Who writes this show? Former members of the Children of God?

Ep.08 - Seventeen Candles

"I performed in a speakeasy and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass."

Ep.07 - Victor/Victrola

Our Einsteinian comparison between the real, the unreal, and the crap that made us groan out loud to our gay friends in the living room.

Ep.06 - The Handmaiden's Tale

Our highly calibrated point system of... um... points.

Ep.05 - Dare Devil

Isn't it weird when a show's writers forget their own plotlines? Isn't it weird we're paying such close attention?

Ep.04 - Bad News Blair

And that's what this recap is all about, right? Realism!

Ep.03 - Poison Ivy

Our vaguely researched, but mostly completely subjective, guide to what in this week's Gossip Girl was as fake as Melania Trump's face, and what could pass for real.

Ep.02 - The Wild Brunch

In case you forgot, on the second episode of Gossip Girl, otherwise known as Statutory Rape in the City, the anonymous narrator really drums it in that this show is based in Manhattan, more specifically Upper East Side.

Ep.01 - Pilot

Last night's giddily awaited premiere of Gossip Girl did not disappoint.

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